


Silence Is Not Consent (or How Dirty Talk Can Help Change Rape Culture)

by Woldy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-30
Updated: 2012-06-30
Packaged: 2017-11-09 23:25:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/459663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woldy/pseuds/Woldy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asking for consent really isn't that hard. It might even be fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silence Is Not Consent (or How Dirty Talk Can Help Change Rape Culture)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the June 'dirty talk' theme at Daily Deviant. The policy quoted is copied verbatim from the recently closed Antioch College, and I learned about it in Michael Kimmel's book Guyland. Many thanks to my beta, delphi, for the fantastic feedback.

"What's the point?" said Seamus. He was staring at the parchment pinned to the wall of the Gryffindor common room, brows knit together in consternation.

"Have you even read it, Seamus?" asked Parvati.

"Yeah," Seamus said, sounding put out. He glanced around at Dean, Ron, and Hermione as though expecting someone to offer support, obviously realized that he was alone on this one, and then turned back to Parvati with a stubborn look on his face.

Lavender and Parvati exchanged looks, and Lavender rolled her eyes. Her expression said: _Trust Seamus to be an idiot_.

"Then you'll know what the point is," Parvati said, crossing her arms.

"But the Carrows are gone," Seamus blustered. "Half the Slytherins haven't come back this year, and the rest know they won't get away with this now. We don't need a policy telling us not to rape women."

"There were fourteen sexual assaults last year," Lavender snapped. "Less than half of them were committed by Slytherins."

Seamus blinked at her, startled into silence.

"It's not just Death Eaters who rape people," Parvati told him. "People you think are ordinary blokes commit sexual assaults, guys like Zacharias Smith." She stopped, regretting the final words instantly, and glanced over to Ginny.

"Smith's a bully," Ginny said, tossing her hair back and meeting Parvati's eyes. "He gets a kick out of trying it on with people and pushing his luck. I bet he thought he could get away with it. A lot of blokes think that they can get away with harassing girls. If I had a galleon for everyone who copped a feel, then I'd be halfway to rich."

"Who?" Ron demanded, and Hermione grabbed his arm, shushing him.

"I'm not defending rapists," Seamus said, sounding a little hurt. "But copping a feel's not the same as raping someone."

"No, it's not," Ginny replied, turning a hard, blazing gaze on Seamus. "But when blokes get away with grabbing your breast, or pinching your arse, or sticking their hand up your robe, then they start thinking they'll get away with rape. And if we tell people it's okay to grope, then we're telling them that they're right, they will get away with it."

Seamus looked from Ginny, to Parvati, to Lavender, and then finally back to the parchment on the wall.

Parvati could recite almost word-for-word what it said. After the battle, she'd gone with Lavender, Ginny, and Luna to raise the issue of sexual assault with Professor McGonagall. They'd been prepared for a fight, but McGonagall had just looked tired and sad. "I'll do what I can, girls," she had promised, and handed Parvati the first draft of the policy a week later.

They had spent several weeks over the summer drafting and redrafting the policy until it addressed everyone's concerns, and then Parvati and Ginny had gone before the Board of Governors to explain why it was needed. An hour later, the new policy was approved by the Governors with no opposition and only two abstentions. The biggest lesson Parvati had taken from the DA was to challenge authority and not be afraid to change things; it might have been the most important thing she'd learned at Hogwarts.

  


_Hogwarts school policy on consent and sexual assault:_  


_Consent is defined as the act of willingly and verbally agreeing to engage in specific sexual conduct. The following are clarifying points:_

  * _Consent is required each and every time there is sexual activity._
  * _All parties must have a clear and accurate understanding of the sexual activity._
  * _The person(s) who initiate(s) the sexual activity is responsible for asking for consent._
  * _The person(s) who are asked are responsible for verbally responding._
  * _Each new level of sexual activity requires consent._
  * _Use of agreed upon forms of communication such as gestures or safe words is acceptable, but must be discussed and verbally agreed to by all parties before sexual activity occurs._
  * _Consent is required regardless of the parties’ relationship, prior sexual history, or current activity (e.g. grinding on the dance floor is not consent for further sexual activity)._
  * _At any and all times when consent is withdrawn or not verbally agreed to, the sexual activity must stop immediately._
  * _Silence is not consent._
  * _Body movements and non-verbal responses such as moans are not consent._
  * _A person cannot give consent while sleeping._
  * _All parties must have unimpaired judgement (examples that may cause impairment include but are not limited to alcohol, drugs, mental health conditions, physical health conditions)._
  * _All parties must use safer sex practices._
  * _All parties must disclose personal risk factors and any known STIs. Individuals are responsible for maintaining awareness of their sexual health._
  * _These requirements for consent do not restrict with whom the sexual activity may occur, the type of sexual activity that occurs, the props/toys/tools that are used, the number of persons involved, the gender(s) or gender expressions of persons involved."_



  


After a long pause, Seamus said. "I don't even know what some of it's talking about. It says 'body movements are not consent.' So, what, you have to ask out loud?"

"Exactly," confirmed Lavender.

"How does that work?"

_Oh, for goodness' sake_ , Parvati thought. She looked over at Ginny, who gave a one-shouldered shrug that conveyed _I don't care which one of us explains it._  


"Well," Parvati began, "if you wanted to kiss somebody—"

"Like Dean, say," interjected Ginny.

"—then you just ask them beforehand," Parvati said.

"You want me to say 'Hey, Dean, wanna get off with me?'" Seamus said sarcastically. Then his cheeks suddenly pinked and his eyes darted to Dean as he quickly added, "Just as an example, 'cos I'm not—"

"Perhaps with a bit more tact and charm," Ginny said dryly.

"Merlin's balls, I don't want to have talks about my feelings!" Seamus protested as a flood of red spread across his face and down his neck.

"Maybe Dean does," said Lavender, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Um—" Dean said, looking uncomfortable, and shot Parvati a pleading look.

"Okay, let's take an example," said Parvati, because although Seamus deserved the embarrassment, Dean didn't. "Let's say I fancy Lavender. I could start by saying, 'Your hair looks beautiful today and I'd really like to touch it. Can I?'"

"May I," Hermione said, and everyone turned to stare at her. "Sorry. It's just a bit more grammatically correct."

Beside her, Ron muttered, "I can't believe you sometimes."

"'May I?'" Parvati amended.

"And then I say yes or no," added Lavender.

"But that's not even sex!" Seamus said, gesticulating at the parchment. "It says here 'Each new level of sexual activity requires consent.'"

"Because snogging somebody doesn't necessarily mean wanting to screw them," Ginny explained in a slow, deliberate voice.

"Oi, I don't want to hear my sister say 'screw'!"

"Oh, get over it," Ginny retorted, making a face at him. "It's much better to talk about screwing—" Ron clapped his hands over his ears. "—than have a culture of sexual assaults and silence."

"So you have to keep stopping all the time to talk about it?" Seamus pursued.

"You have to ask if they want to do something instead of assuming," Parvati told him, patience dwindling.

"Some people are capable of having mature conversations about sex," Lavender said pointedly. "Maybe you should try it?"

"What if I don't want to have mature conversations?"

"I bet Dean's ready to have mature conversations with you," said Lavender.

"I'm fine either way, actually," Dean muttered, shuffling his feet, and Seamus's eyes flickered over to him before darting away.

"It just...sounds a bit girly," Seamus said awkwardly, his face as red as a tomato. "Won't that ruin the mood so nobody gets any?"

"You're taking the piss, right?" Ginny shot back.

"Is she still saying 'screw'?" demanded Ron, whose hands were clamped over his ears. Everyone ignored him.

"It won't ruin the mood unless you're an idiot about it," Parvati said.

"How's it supposed to be done, then?" Seamus glared when Parvati narrowed her eyes at him. "How am I supposed to know if nobody—"

"Right," said Parvati, lifting her chin. "I've asked if I can touch Lavender's hair—"

"I've agreed she can," Lavender put in.

"—but maybe after a while I want to kiss her. So I say 'May I kiss you?'"

"And I say yes," said Lavender.

There was a moment of silence, in which Parvati realized that a) this was the first time either she or Lavender had said anything about their — was it a relationship? — um, thing, and b) nobody looked surprised. Carefully not looking at Lavender, Parvati watched the occupants of the common room glance covertly around to check whether they were alone in their previous suspicions and felt her cheeks grow hot.

"Then a bit later," Lavender said, breaking the uncomfortable silence, "I'd like to unbutton Parvati's shirt, so I say, 'D'you mind if I take this off?"'

Parvati's heart skipped a beat. "Yes. I mean, no. I mean, go ahead, I don't mind!" she said, suddenly flustered. She mustered the courage to look up, and met Lavender's warm brown eyes.

There were a million interpretations for this. Maybe Lavender was just explaining things to Seamus, maybe she was putting on a show for her ex-boyfriend, or maybe this thing between them wasn't important enough to keep secret. Or maybe Lavender had chosen this moment to announce their relationship clear to everyone. Maybe she was coming out. Lavender's eyes were soft, her expression very serious, and Parvati felt warmth spreading through her.

_This is for you, Lavender,_ she thought, taking a deep breath, and said "Then I might say 'I'd like to touch your breast.'"

"Please do," Lavender replied instantly.

"That's actually pretty hot," Ron muttered, and there was an "ow!" that Parvati suspected was the result of Hermione elbowing him in the ribs. She didn't dare look away from Lavender.

"Is it all right if I lick your nipples?" Parvati asked, pulse racing.

"Very," said Lavender, flashing a smile that made Parvati feel hot all over.

"But you can't do that with actual, y'know, sex, can you?" Seamus interrupted, like a splash of cold water. "I mean what do you call people's bits?"

"Pussy," Ginny said promptly, and there was an "Aaargh!" of protest from Ron. "Or cock, if it's Dean. You could say cunt, I s’pose, but a lot of people don't like it."

"Use whatever words you're comfortable with," Parvati suggested, chest tightening as she said, "I could ask Lavender, 'Would you like me to slide my fingers inside you?'"

"Can I touch your clitoris?" Lavender asked, looking right into Parvati's eyes, and oh Circe, now she couldn't not imagine that.

_It shouldn't be possible for anyone to talk dirty with such an innocent expression,_ Parvati thought, aware that she was getting wet. "Can I go down on you?" she said.

"’Course you can, but will you finger me first?" said Lavender, voice a little husky.

"I'd love to," said Parvati instantly. "I want to feel you all wet around my hand. I want to know what you taste like."

"Blimey," Dean murmured, and the realization that everyone was listening shattered the moment with Lavender. _We're sitting on the common room surrounded by people,_ Parvati told herself and flushed, looking down at her feet.

"Quod erat demonstrandum," Hermione said, in a voice that was a few notes higher than usual.

"'Mione, what does that even—"

"It means Parvati has proved her point."

"My point is that asking for consent really isn't that hard," said Parvati, cheeks flaming.

"And if you do it right, it's pretty sexy," Lavender added.

Parvati heard a rustle and the creak of floorboards, and then a warm hand took hers. She looked up into Lavender's face, seeing pink cheeks, smiling brown eyes, and not a hint of regret.

"Lavender and I have things to talk about," Parvati said, entwining her fingers with Lavender's.

She glanced around the room and saw Ginny smiling at her, Hermione wavering about whether or not to be shocked, and Ron watching with a slightly glazed expression. Dean was gazing out the window, while Seamus stared fixedly at his fingernails.

"I think maybe you and Dean should talk about it too," Parvati suggested lightly.

"I'm sure one of you will figure out the right words," Lavender said, squeezing Parvati's hand, and Parvati followed her out of the common room.

**Author's Note:**

> I am aware that the policy provided here doesn't entirely fit with the world-building in canon given that there is no mention of magic and that it presumes people are over the age of consent. I considered amending the policy, but decided that it wasn't the best use of the very limited time I have for fannish activity. If anyone would like to write an amended policy that is more Hogwarts-appropriate then please go ahead and I'll happily link to it.


End file.
